I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
