so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I could make wine with my vomit
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
