Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
