im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
