im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
