I got chris browned last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
