i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
