2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
