How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
