just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
