Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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