Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
