so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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