I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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