She's JV to your varsity
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
