I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
