Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
