I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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