do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
a search helicopter?!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
