Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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