i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
