How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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