I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
