remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
