i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
