my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
