I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
do nipples grow back?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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