i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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