he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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