You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
