obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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