honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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