Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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