i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
