just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
