I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
