I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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