i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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