He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
