I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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