I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
its not stalking. its research.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
