Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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