I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
