So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if only i could text you this smell
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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