I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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