Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
