Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
