So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
don't judge my taste in strippers
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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