I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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