but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
