how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
