did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
