what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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