i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
