This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
